Unification Sanctuary Matching Handbook
III. PREPARATION FOR THE MATCHING PROCESS
A. Preparation for Parents
1. Spiritual Preparation
- Seeking God’s Heart and Perspective
- We are seeking to establish a tradition of God‐centered love to bring joy to our Heavenly Father. Parents will want to create the foundation for God’s guidance and involvement in the process.
- Father’s words
- True Father has spoken deeply about matching and his confidence that God will guide the parents to a match. The more parents prepare and educate themselves by reading, reflecting upon, and orienting themselves in Father’s words and other resources the better.
- Setting spiritual conditions
- Husbands and wives will want to establish conditions to connect with Heavenly Father, each other, and the heart of their adult child preparing for matching.
- Always be doing something. Activities oriented toward a matching are always better than only prayer or individual conditions.
- In addition to prayer, bowing, Hoon Dok Hae, etc., we encourage doing something that will improve the real relationships within your family. You might determine to set aside time with your spouse or child each week. You might call your child and report what you are doing or are inspired about regarding matching.
- Unity within the family is essential
- One important goal of any condition you set individually or as a family is to become one in heart ‐ to get on the same page. Unity and good communication are the most important and helpful conditions for God to be able to work.
2. Educational Preparation
In the Appendix on Resources of this handbook you will find helpful resources and experience‐ based materials on understanding your child, building communication, or supporting various stages of the process outlined here.
Other ways to prepare include:
- Blessing Workshops and other programs on the Value of the Matching and Blessing
- Hear the testimony of other parents or BCs who have successful matches.
3. Understand the Process. Also form your own list of dos and don’ts.
4. Establish Communication
- Husband‐Wife Relationship
- Discuss the matching process with your spouse first. Even if one parent takes a more active role, it is important that you are on the same page.
- Clarify your goals and priorities. What is primary to each of you? When to begin? What about age, race, nationality, purity, etc.?
- Discuss your child’s real situation and readiness. Has your child expressed the desire to have help through an arranged marriage? Do you know what is important to them?
- When one parent is not present or unable to participate, the active parent can identify an advocate for support.
- Parent – Child Relationship
- Parents need to respect their candidate’s portion of responsibility, including input into the process and ownership of the final decision and outcome.
- Parents are advised to learn their candidate’s hopes, goals, priorities and expectations in matching. Discuss and decide how best to work together.
- If communication between parent and child is strained or difficult, seek assistance through a mediator. Build trust.
5. Practical / Financial preparation
- Consider and prepare for Blessing expenses.
- Blessing Donation is a condition of sincerity to receive True Parent’s Blessing.
- Travel expenses to the Blessing event.
- Clothing and accessories‐ from $150 up to $1,000.
- Blessing ring‐ approximately $400 for a gold ring.
B. Preparation for Candidates: How do I know I am ready?
1. Some critical questions to ask yourself:
- What is my motivation to be matched? Am I focused simply on finding someone to love me, or someone I can truly love and make happy?
- How deeply do I understand the unique meaning and value of the Blessing? Is it just finding someone to love and committing to be together forever, or is there more to it?
- How comfortable am I communicating with and caring for others?
- Who am I? What are my own goals and plans for the future? Am I looking for someone to “completeme?” What if my spouse’s plans are different from my own?
- What do I expect from my spouse? What do I have to offer?
- While it may not be possible to ever feel truly ready, a sense of my own identity, basic social skills, self‐control and the maturity to put others before myself are needed. Also, a fundamental faith in God and the Blessing ideal are important.
2. Standard qualifications:
- Age: The international minimum age is 17 years. 20‐21 might be better for many. We do not encourage that you rush, but if there is still hesitancy or lack of interest by the age of 24 or 25, it is important to consider and discuss the reasons for this.
- Divine Principle and Bible Education ‐ the international standard is 21‐day level workshop content prior to entering the matching process. The minimum requirement is 7‐day content.
- Blessing Education ‐ the international standard is completion of a Blessing Workshop, Small Group study or Home study.
- Photographs: Prepare at least three high‐quality photos (candidate head and shoulders, candidate full‐length, and a family photo).
- Personal Profile: Complete Candidate’s profile by the candidate him/herself.
- Extended Profile Information: Develop a brief autobiography, photo montage, or other creative expressions of yourself and your family to share with those parents that are seriously considering your candidacy to provide a deeper level of information. This will help other candidates’ parents to understand better who you are.
3. Educating yourself:
- Learn about difference between men and women, personality types.
- Learn about relationships and roles in marriage.
- Attend Blessing preparation workshops.
- Make a list of questions to ask your parents and other couples about matching and marriage.
- Hear the testimony of other parents or BCs who have successful matches.
C. Get the Family all on the same page
1. Discuss relative roles and input in the matching process.
- Some examples of Candidate input:
- Some candidates prefer to trust and receive their parents’ recommendation with absolute faith.
- Some candidates want to discuss and agree with a suggested candidate before their parents contact the other family. Some specifically DON’T want this.
- Some candidates have suggestions to offer for their parents’ consideration.
- Some candidates have a particular person in mind and hope for their parents’ approval.
- Some candidates have preferences and priorities regarding age, race, culture, nationality, language, faith, purity, future plans, etc.
- Be clear about the degree of your adult child’s involvement at each stage in the process.
- Because each child is different, even within the same family, this plan may look very different from child to child.
2. Come to agreement about priorities and strategies. Discuss openness to special situations.
NOTE: For both spiritual and emotional reasons, it is best to match candidates with similar degrees of purity and relationship experience. Full disclosure is important.
3. Involvement of your other family members ‐ Do we involve siblings or not, make a family matching team, etc.? Once decided, keep the process confidential among only those involved
4. Decide your approach to networking and methods of outreach:
- Advocates = Someone who knows a particular candidate and family, and is able to represent and network for them, be a mediator with other families, answer questions, look for possible candidates, etc.
- Additional family or young adult networking events: workshops, community events, etc.
5. Develop a set of questions you may wish to ask
- Questions for the parents.
- Questions for the candidate.